Monday, August 25, 2008

The Daily Lehman Takeover Rumor....... :-)

Brilliant! The only way to withstand the daily nonsense...... This is at least as credible as all the other stuff that is making waves on a daily basis on bubblevision via Wall Street Finest.... Enjoy!UPDATE: speaking of rumors/nonsense...Lehman Said to Weigh Forming New Company to Buy Mortgage Assets ..Makes you wonder who will finance this vehicle....... Wouldn´t be the first time that they are getting lets call it very "creative"to unload toxic assets ( see Lehman Needs to Come Clean About R3) ......
Genial! Anders ist der tägliche Wahnsinn auch kaum noch zu ertragen..... Leider unterscheiden sich einige Passagen in der Qualität kaum von dem ganzen Schrott der noch immer tagtäglich von Experten und den Medien verbreitet wird...... Hier wird immerhin ausdrücklich auf den Humorgehalt hingewiesen.... Habe aber bei manchen Statement von Bernanke, Paulson, Analysten und Volkswirten noch mehr gelacht..... :-) UPDATE: passend zu dem Hinweis auf den tagtäglichen Wahnsinn Lehman Said to Weigh Forming New Company to Buy Mortgage Assets . Ich glaube zu wissen wer diese Transaktion finanzieren wird.......Wäre ja nicht das erste Mal das Lehman zu mehr als fragwürdigen Methoden greift um ( auf den ersten Blick ....) die Bilanz zu bereinigen ( siehe Lehman Needs to Come Clean About R3 )
Lehman, the Tooth Fairy and the Revenge of the Short-Sellers WSJ Deal Journal
To review: KDB is out. Barclays is looking for an asset-manager, not a whole investment bank. J.P. Morgan Chase is digesting Bear Stearns. It seems the potential terrestrial bidders are bowing out. Is it time to go extraterrestrial? How about the Tooth Fairy?

Well, a satiric email among fund managers suggests just that. The email (reproduced below) actually takes a swipe at many of the prominent names and storylines from the credit crunch

Below, the Tooth Fairy email in its entirety.

Breaking News: Lehman To Be Acquired by Tooth Fairy

The market responded with enthusiasm to reports that the Tooth Fairy has agreed to acquire Lehman. The purchase price has not yet been determined and will be set by Dick Fuld wishing upon a star, clicking his heels three times, and being ransported back to that magical place where Lehman still sells for over $70 per share.

In related news, Lehman has agreed to sell all of its level III capital, including CDOs, ABSs, pet rocks, baseball cards, slightly used condoms, and credit default swaps written by MBIA and Ambac. Lehman’s level III capital will be acquired for 150% of its face value by Tinkerbell, who will carry it off to Neverland to be fed to a crocodile.
Lehman is financing 90% of the acquisition at an interest rate that has not been announced; Tinkerbell’s up-front payment consists of a handful of pixie dust, three crickets, and a bullfrog. Analyst Dick Bove estimates that the bullfrog could eventually be transformed into three princes and a pumpkin coach. The deal gives Lehman no recourse to any of Tinkerbell’s assets other than the Level III capital. If Tinkerbell defaults, Lehman’s successor entity will stick its hand down the crocodile’s throat and attempt to get it to regurgitate. The firm’s historical value-at-risk analysis shows that sticking your hand down a crocodile’s throat is completely safe.

Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson issued a statement: “I am delighted that SWFs (Sovereign Wealth Fairies) continue to express confidence in the terrific values represented by American financial institutions. As I have been saying since August of 2007, this shows that the crisis is now over.”

Meanwhile, the SEC has announced an investigation of mean, evil, bad short-seller David Einhorn. While out for a beer with a friend, Einhorn reportedly suggested that the Tooth Fairy does not exist and that wishing upon a star is not a wholly reliable price discovery mechanism. Christopher Cox, chairman of the SEC, said
, “Vicious rumors attacking the Tooth Fairy will not be tolerated. Our entire financial system and indeed the American way of life depend on the Tooth Fairy and wishing upon a star. How else could one value level III capital appropriately?” The SEC is reportedly planning to set up re-education camps for short-sellers.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Barley said...

Found this on Calculated Risk. Thought you might like to see.

http://www.geocities.com/tubeguy@rogers.com/troubledbanks.htm

8:03 PM  
Blogger jmf said...

Moin Barley,

thanks for the link....

No wonder news like this are popping up...

FDIC to consider tapping Treasury to shore up funding needs

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. is considering a plan to borrow funds from the U.S. Treasury Department, as its seeks to shore up its finances amid an expected wave of bank failures, according to a published report Tuesday. Funds borrowed from the Treasury would used to cover short-term cash-flow needs related to reimbursing depositors in the aftermath of bank failure, the Wall Street Journal reported Tuesday, citing comments by FDIC Chairman Sheila Bair. The report said the borrowed funds would be repaid once assets from the failed bank are sold

Morte taxpayer money......

I would love to see the face from Paulson & Co when finally the foreigners are backing away from the treasuries......

But so far there is still enough dumb money to be wasted.....

9:30 PM  

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