Tuesday, December 11, 2007

An investment banking lexicon: The post-credit squeeze edition

After the as always way overrated Fed decision this guy has had probably a rough night........ I also thought that the hilarious piece about the credit crunch from FT Alphaville deserves a separate post. Barry Ritholtz rivals this post with Top 10 Things You May Not Have Known About the FOMC :-)

Nach der wie immer vollkommen überbewerteten Fed-Entscheidung dürfte dieser Typ heute Nacht etwas unruhiger geschlafen haben...... Ich habe mir gedacht das dieses mehr als amüsantes Werk von FT Alphaville über den Credit Crunch ein eigenen Post verdient. Barry Ritholtz fährt in Top 10 Things You May Not Have Known About the FOMC ähnlich lustige Geschütze auf :-)


Big hat tip to Connor and thanks to The New Yorker

An investment banking lexicon: The post-credit squeeze edition
Investment-speak is a universal language. From maximising shareholder value to full and fair offers, bankers are well versed in the art of keeping their clients happy.

But four months into the credit crisis and their words have taken on a new meaning. Here is an explanation.

SUBPRIME

Pre-squeeze: Poor cut of beef

Post-squeeze: On the national education curriculum

COVENANT-LITE

Pre-squeeze: Please pay back the money (no rush)

Post-squeeze: Please get approval for all expenses above £50

COMPETITIVE AUCTION

Pre-squeeze: 50 buy-out firms submit first-round bids

Post-squeeze: The Malaysians are looking

EMI

Pre-squeeze: Coveted transaction

Post-squeeze: Distressed debt play

STAN O’NEAL

Pre-squeeze: $50m for successfully delivering shareholder value

Post-squeeze: $50m for destroying shareholder value

DEBT AVAILABLE FOR BUY-OUT

Pre-squeeze: $10bn

Post-squeeze: Z$300,000bn

ATTRACTIVE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY

Pre-squeeze: Growing faster than the competition

Post-squeeze: Not falling quite as quickly as the competition

INFRASTRUCTURE

Pre-squeeze: Goldman launches billion-dollar fund

Post-squeeze: Heathrow queues get longer

MULTIPLES

Pre-squeeze: 8 x pro forma ebitda

Post-squeeze: 4 x historic earnings

DUE DILIGENCE

Pre-squeeze: There is a hole in the pension book

Post-squeeze: Due diligence to look diligent

BANK’S CHRISTMAS PARTY

Pre-squeeze: Bollinger, Château Lafite, Nobu catering

Post-squeeze: Glass of Chianti, dry roasted peanuts

PIPELINE IS FULL

Pre-squeeze: Real deals by stretched bankers

Post-squeeze: Stretched deals by virtualbankers

EMERGING MARKETS

Pre-squeeze: Risky, high-yield play

Post-squeeze: Safe haven

STRATEGIC REVIEW

Pre-squeeze: We will take the highest offer

Post-squeeze: Fire sale

For more funny stuff click here. Nice to see that the Pentagon isn´t effected by the ongoing credit crunch. They made Enron & Co look like amateurs.....

Für mehr Spaßiges bitte hier klicken. Schön zu sehen das zumindest das Pentagon von der anhaltenden Kreditkrise nicht weiter betroffen ist. Dagegen sind Enron & Co die reinsten Waisenknaben....

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2 Comments:

Blogger Edgar said...

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The maggots can't lose.

6:53 AM  
Blogger jmf said...

Moin Edgar,

see my new post....


Fed, ECB, Central Banks Coordinate to Add Liquidity


If this doesn´t work they have to accept junk collateral or buy the assets outright in the open market.....

8:31 AM  

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